Anyone know why January felt like 3 months long, and now February is over?
Dez caught it.
The NFL Competition Committee is working on revising the catch rule, which is one less thing the Ravens' receivers have to worry about. But one of the best debates of all time has been settled - according to the new rules - Dez Bryant officially caught it.
So that means:
a) The Cowboys got robbed.
b) The Packers got lucky.
c) Tony Romo's shot at a Super Bowl rode off into the sunset.
Glad they cleared this up an entire two years later.
Barbra Streisand cloned her fuckin dog.
Now, anyone who knows anything about me knows I love my dog. But cloning him is a little much right?
When I first saw this I was like, ok this could be something I can get behind. Then I read this quote and I have confirmed that Barbra Streisand has the mind of a killer.
No one can ever tell me I wear too much makeup again.
Just, watch this.
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Two nights of the Bachelor in a row? Sign me up.
Russell Wilson is the official worst.
As if this dude wasn't corny enough, Russell Wilson is now pulling the ultimate try-hard move and playing football AND baseball at the same time. Come on bro. We get it.
And of course the fucking Yankees (because of course that's who he plays for) are just eeeeeating up the extra attention. So damn annoying. "Wow athlete in another sport is good at multiple sports ommmmmmggg"
~*~* Bachelor notes ~*~*
Again, in real time. Check out my notes from yesterday's Women's Tell-All. I'm still not clear on why John Cena was there. This is the "fantasy suite" episode aka the one where he just has sex with three women on consecutive nights.
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I'm typing this up as I'm watching The Bachelor Women Tell All. LFG
Here are the things I cared about this weekend (sort of):
This would be me if i were a skier.
Some woman missed out on an Olympic medal because she went the WRONG WAY. Like Michelle Tanner in that episode of Full House where she scored a goal for the wrong team. BROOOOO how do you ever live this down?
How embarrassing. Except it's definitely something that I would do.
Kansas City traded Marcus Peters to the Rams.
Honestly I forgot this even happened. While the semantics behind the trade haven't been brought to life yet (how his personality affects the Chiefs' image, etc), the Chiefs are straight up shuffling the entire roster around before the Combine and NFL Draft even begins. This is the second huge trade for Kansas City - the first was trading quarterback Alex Smith to the racist team in Washington.
Guess we'll see. Maybe.
~*~* Bachelor notes *~*~
BONUS EPISODE of the Bachelor on a Sunday night AND it's the Women's Tell All?!? Sign me the hell up. Thoughts running through my head during the Tell-All -
Monday's Buzz is brought to you by StitchFix. It's my faaaavorite subscription box-type thing. They send you like 5 items of clothing for only $20 whenever you want and you send back what you don't want for free, and keep what you like - AND your $20 goes towards anything you end up keeping. This is for chicks AND dudes.
Click my link to sign up and they'll waive your styling fee - meaning you can try it for free. Don't dress like shit anymore.
This week has been like 3 weeks long. It's Friday, y'all.
Adam Vinateri will probably break the record for most points scored.
Indianapolis Colts kicker Adam Vinateri signed a one-year deal with the team yesterday, meaning he'll most likely break the record for most points scored in 2018, as long as he doesn't get hurt.
That's equal to about 20 field goals, or one game for Justin Tucker.
I still don't know whether or not indianapolis has happy hours.
Then I was told Indy DOES have happy hours and/or drink specials all day long. My mind is swimming. Please clear this up for me quickly.
Matt Ryan is...
Have a good weekend!
This was written after I went to happy hour. Proceed with caution.
Here's what I care about today, maybe -
Andrew Luck may or may not be throwing things.
The mystery of Andrew Luck continues. After having surgery on his throwing shoulder, the Indianapolis Colts quarterback is strengthening said shoulder by throwing heavy things. Why not just throw footballs like normal people?
I'm so confused.
Crockett Gilmore is gonna be an offensive lineman.
Permanently injured tight end Crockett Gilmore is apparently planning to transition to offensive lineman.
This is bananaland for two reasons.
incredible revelation -
Read The Buzz like your morning paper but you might need some whiskey in your coffee.
I hate the phrase "hump day."
Here are the things you need to know today that I give a shit about -
Laurent Duvernay-Tardiff is finishing his medical degree and wants "m.D." on the back of his jersey.
Kansas City Chiefs guard Laurent Duvernay-Tardiff is finishing his medical degree this offseason, and wants "M.D." on the back of his jersey. This would make him the only player in the NFL to be a medical doctor (obviously).
First of all, I have watched every episode of Grey's Anatomy and therefore consider myself a medical doctor, but I couldn't complete medical school if I was actually in medical school and doing nothing else - this dude is completing med school while playing in the NFL? Put the damn letters on his jersey - his name is long enough, what's 2 more letters?
Bucs release Doug Martin.
After heading to two Pro Bowls, but failing to rush for over 500 yards in the past 4 out of 5 seasons (not great!), the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are releasing running back Doug Martin. Martin should have interest in free agency, but many running back-desperate teams will most likely opt for a younger guy if they're smart.
On top of probably fucking up at least one of your fantasy teams in the past few years, Martin's accomplishments have been out-shined by his idiotic mistakes - like getting suspended for PEDs (that obviously didn't work) while battling for a playoff spot.
Jay-Z spent an outrageous amount of money on a bar tab this weekend.
I really don't have anything to add other than that it makes me feel better about how much money I spend on dumb shit when I go out (almost never). Thanks for your service, Jay.
Dolphins tag Jarvis Landry.
The Miami Dolphins are placing the ever-popular franchise tag on wide receiver Jarvis Landry, which means he (probably) won't be going to your wide receiver-desperate team. Not going to name any names.
Landry can technically still be traded, but the Dolphins won't be giving one of 2018's top free agents away, and now they can decide where he goes, if he goes anywhere.
In related news, Breshad Perriman makes me cry in the shower.
Read The Buzz like your morning paper but you might need some whiskey in your coffee.
So, every weekday morning I'll posting a few of the things I will care about for the day that usually happened the day before (I wasn't supposed to start doing this til next week but I was bored last night).
If you like it, thats cool. If you hate it, thats cool too.
Go to happy hour today. Byee
If you're like me, you probably hate Valentine's Day. I don't like chocolate, I don't like fancy dinners (I can get down with some roses, though). Because we're still probably reeling from the feeling of no football, I put together some NFL-themed Valentines for all of you going through withdrawal.
Happy Valentine's Day and watch out if you go into the bathroom alone. xo
My NFL season started out a fucking train wreck because Joe Flacco broke his back or something and I just knew it was all downhill from there. The receivers they planned to go with were no better than me or you with the exception of Mike Wallace, who ended up performing mediocre at best. Then I adopted another team in the playoffs, sort of, and even they let me down.
I’m walking you through the roller coaster of my 2017 NFL season. We laughed (at the WRs), we cried (because of the WRs), and all around had a terrible time.
The 2017 NFL season started off with a bunch of people up on their high horses about god knows what, making sure everyone knew that they didn't care and weren't watching the NFL ever again, only to end up watching the NFL again.
Answer to all of our offensive woes aka Danny Woodhead was carted off after the first series in the first quarter of the first game and headed to IR. I honestly forget what even happened to him. All the Ravens' injuries run together for me at this point. He ended up as being one of the players who was designated to return from IR, and (shocker) ended up not being the answer to said offensive woes.
My precious Joe Flacco sustained a concussion caused by dirty (and bad) player Kiko Alonso, which he was not suspended for, or penalized for at all really. Makes complete sense.
October was when it really started to go downhill for me.
November I straight up gave up and started to talk about other things entirely.
In December I was full of Christmas cheer, and Flacco (who was finally healthy after a sketchy start to the season where nobody can seem to tell the truth) ate some W's.
The Steelers imploded, which is always fun to watch.
And in the end, we'll always have this.
What 2017 NFL moment made you sad?
While we did not get the intense satisfaction I received last year from watching Matt Ryan completely choke in a Super Bowl, watching Tom Brady lose and be sad is a close second. Obviously the Justin Timberlake halftime show was a top moment for me where my life flashed before my eyes.
Who did I miss?
Plenty of people were slandering Justin Timberlake over his halftime performance during Sunday's Super Bowl. Maybe one day they'll get it.
Watch it again here:
One of my favorite takes was from Sinbad, who must have forgotten that he's literally Sinbad.
What'd ya think?
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