Gonna need some more of those Hard Knocks episodes

We're gonna need like, eight of them. The sky is falling in Cleveland and while it shouldn't shock a single fucking person, the Browns fired their head coach Hue Jackson and their offensive coordinator Todd Haley. It's almost as if the Browns still aren't good, despite high hopes this season. So surprising.

There were various reports that the two were in the middle of a catfight and couldn't even be in the same room because they hated each other's guts (I made most of that up). 

Defensive coordinator Gregggggggg Williams was named the Browns' interim head coach with his experience and his ability to yell about literally everything. Freddie Kitchens has been named the new offensive coordinator and the puns used between "Kitchens" and "Baker" should be the most exciting thing about the Browns' season thus far. 

Extra Points:

• It's FitzMagic time again, folks. After an abysmal performance this weekend by QB Jameis Winston, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers announced on Monday that the better choice all along, Ryan Fitzpatrick, will start this week. They play the Carolina Panthers who are coming off the worst game I've seen in a while and I'm still not over it thanks for asking.
• Baltimore Ravens S Eric Weddle is saying what we're all thinking (but in nicer words and without screaming and yelling): “I don’t like to say, ‘We’re alright.' We’re not alright. We just got blasted. … We’re 4-4 — an average team. We just got blown out. I wouldn’t say it’s rock bottom, but we have to look at ourselves and get back to work.”
• New York Giants QB Eli Manning is not great. Head coach Pat Shurmur was asked about a change at the position, and didn't give a straight answer but stated, "At this point Eli’s our quarterback and we’re looking at all ways to improve.” So ya need a new QB my man
• Rumors are swirling that various teams are interested in Denver Broncos WR Demariyus Thomas. Those mentioned are the Houston Texans (lost Will Fuller this weekend) and the New England Patriots.
• Continuing the trend of beer-throwing at NFL games -- A group of New Orleans Saints DBs say Minnesota Vikings fans threw a beer can on them during Sunday's game. Again, these people should be disciplined on the fact that they're wasting perfectly good beers.
• Tons of drama went down in the Green Bay Packers' locker room on Sunday. Apparently several players called out RB Ty Montgomery for 'throwing a tantrum' after being plucked from the game. In retaliation, he apparently 'disobeyed coach's orders' and ran the ball out instead of taking a knee and oh god are we in middle school again? 
• Los Angeles Rams RB and my current spirit animal, Todd Gurley, basically said fuck off to fantasy football nerds and Vegas nerds. The Rams won 29-27 and apparently that's not a good thing but there's too much math involved for me to really care. "We got the win, so that's all that matters," Gurley said (he's right).
• Houston Texans QB Deshaun Watson had to take a bus over the team plane ride two weeks ago to Jacksonville (can confirm that is a long way) and honestly that was probably boring as shit to be on a bus by yourself for that long. But anyway, he won't have to do that this week and can fly to Denver with his chest injury/broken lungs/whatever it is.
• New England Patriots WR Josh Gordon started Monday night's game after it was said that he would be sat for the first few plays due to being late. Either someone fucked up or the Patriots just trolled everyone. Both entirely possible.
• TODAY SHOULD BE NUTS. The trade deadline is today at 4pm. Lit AF.

Things you should read today:

• Cardinals' Larry Fitzgerald pours out frustrations with first career spike (ESPN)
• University sued over student who died from pancake-eating contest (Wall Street Journal)
• Browns QB Baker Mayfield won't miss Hue Jackson after firing (NESN)
• Detroit Lions seeking mid-round pick for Golden Tate (NFL.com)
• The Chiefs have become the opponent teams need to play perfectly against to beat (Arrowhead Pride)

last word:

Dan Bailey looks like the kind of guy who takes slow pitch softball way too seriously. pic.twitter.com/PZOFulIK3B

— Andy (@AndyCarlsonShow) October 29, 2018