Tom Brady doesn't pee

Tom Brady went to see Hamilton the other night - and before you say he should be watching film or catching balls, cause one of you assholes will, the New England Patriots have a bye this week - and he didn't piss a SINGLE TIME. My man was out here chugging waters all night and didn't get up to pee one time. Not one time!

@FeitsBarstool TB12 crushed waters in our row at Hamilton tonight. Everyone in the building including Giselle went to the bathroom at intermission except him. The legend grows... pic.twitter.com/oghVt0Ztxe

— Mark Rautiola (@mraut09) November 14, 2018

​The NFL needs to look into this ASAP.

extra points:

• Zero Baltimore Ravens quarterbacks practiced on Thursday, well, one if you count RG3. ​Joe Flacco is out with his hip thing and Lamar Jackson had a "stomach illness." Mhmm
• The Philadelphia Eagles lost CB Ronald Darby for the season last week, but they have Sidney Jones back as a full participant in practice. 
• Carolina Panthers QB Cam Newton is speaking my language to the absolute fullest. He loves wine. “I picked up a hobby that I really enjoy, it’s pretty cool. I think I’m on sauvignon blanc right now, really light wine, and a good mild smoke.” HELL. YES bro. Quarterbacks. They're just like me.
• Los Angeles Rams head coach Sean McVay admitted he's stolen some plays from the Kansas City Chiefs this season. “There’s so much tape and with the ability to easily access it week in and week out, it would be silly for us not to be able to look and see what the heck they’re doing. Every single week they do something and you say, ‘That’s pretty good.'"
• Speaking of the Chiefs, QB Pat Mahomes puts ketchup on his mac and cheese. It was a good run but this automatically should disqualify him from the NFL MVP conversation.
• If anyone cares, Cincinnati Bengals RB Joe Mixon was limited in practice with a knee injury. He wasn't listed on the injury report the previous day, so who the hell knows.
• The Los Angeles Chargers' (I still wanna call them San Diego so bad) best player DE Joey Bosa, returned to the practice field this week for the first time but his status is still up in the air.
• Jason Witten has annoyed some people this year (I just honestly tune the announcers out), but he admits his mistakes. "I mean I made mistakes. You try to own it, you embrace it. Hell, I’m not perfect, I’ve certainly had my fair share of mistakes on live television and more than anything else you try to embrace it, you laugh at it, you smile at it, I had the remark on Twitter that you don’t try to deny it."
• There are few things I love more than Jacksonville Jaguars CB Jalen Ramsey's attitude. "But, like whoever, the fake fans, if y’all, whoever, if y’all want to jump ship, then, look, it is what it is. But y’all going to miss us when we either gone or when stuff back popping. We don’t want y’all no more.”
• Thursday Night Football didn't suck last night. The Seattle Seahawks beat the Green Bay Packers because coach Mike McCarthy has morphed into a moron. Who punts on 4th and 2 with Aaron Rodgers?

What you should read today:

• Kim Porter, Diddy's ex-girlfriend and mother of 3 of his children, dead at 47 (Yahoo Celebrity)
• 'Batkid' is now cancer free 5 years after taking over city of San Francisco with Make-A-Wish (ABC News)
• Zayn Malik confirms that, yes, Taylor Swift sometimes travels in a  suitcase to avoid paparazzi (The AV Club)
• John Dorsey says he'd consider a female head coach for the Browns (ProFootballTalk)
• Heinz offers Patrick Mahomes free ketchup for life if he throws 57 TDs in 2018 (Bleacher Report)

last word:

(It's my own tweet bc I'm vain and super funny)

Russell Wilson hasn't done anything super corny in a while. That's how you know you gotta watch out for him

— lindsey ok (@lindseyyok) November 16, 2018